What it Is. What it Isn’t.

The past few months have been a bit topsy turvy, a bit here and there, a bit unsettled.

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There have been highs and lows, lower lows, really low lows, and some pretty fabulous highs. I’ve been wrestling with a lot and my mind has been a whirlwind of chaos at times.

Today in traffic, I was analyzing my mind and heart for the 9,873,184th time and and a light permeated the fog with such intensity, such pervasiveness, such tenacity, I was taken aback.

JOY.

What the… ?

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And the clarity was overwhelming. I relearned things I knew. I was reminded and was revealed to. It was refreshing.

JOY…

…does not equal happiness. I have always been a pretty consistently happy person and yet lately the happy times can be pinpointed to specific moments, and not overall disposition. Yet JOY remains.

…does not mean everything is fine. Everything is not fine. Depression is trying to worm its way into my life for various reasons – some relational, some physical, some financial, some meteorological. The more I admit it exists close by, the better I am at keeping it somewhat back by turning it over to Christ repeatedly. Yet JOY remains.

…does not mean I have no work to do and can just give up and slack off. I am currently messing up and currently figuring out what I need to do and what I need to pray about and learning what others need from me and what God expects of me and what is way beyond me. It’s a jumbled crappy mess most of the time. Yet JOY remains.

…does mean I know God is in control.
…does mean I know where hope lies.
…does mean I actually HAVE hope. Every minute.
…does mean that I am loved to a degree unfathomable.
…does mean I’m called to a higher standard, a narrower path – one of aches, pains, stretching, vulnerability, sacrifice, valleys, and many mountains too. That’s a big deal.
…does mean that I don’t have to figure it all out or get it all together right now because, surprise, I am not God, I am fallible, I am weak, and yet at the ultimate end of it all, my story has a happy ending because of the One I belong to.

Psalms 119:143

As pressure and stress bear down on me, I find joy in your commands.

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JOY REMAINS.


~ Fayelle

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About ladygoat

Fayelle Ewuakye is a follower of Christ, a wife, mom to 2 girls (7 and 3), a severe autumn/Christmas maniac, a lover of all things sparkly, Georgia resident, and a silliness guru. All she has right now is her phone. Be kind. Find her on Twitter too @Ladygoat or Instagram @Fayelle123! You can also find her monthly at the Prayers For Girls blog! (http://prayersforgirls.com/blog/)
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5 Responses to What it Is. What it Isn’t.

  1. ladygoat says:

    Also, I don’t expect comments unless people have something they really wanna say. I don’t want anyone feeling they HAVE to respond but I do love hearing other thoughts and reactions. 🙂

  2. ladygoat says:

    No worries, it’s not like I advertised it. Heck, most of the time I am denying it exists anywhere near me. It’s very recent that I’m owning up to what it truly is and not trying to sugar coat it but call it for what it is. The D-word. 😉

    I think naming it just scares me too much, so I’ve been trying not to.

    Thank you for the prayers. You’re a VERY good friend!!!

  3. Carol says:

    I haven’t commented on your blog in a while, but I really appreciated the raw honesty here. I also needed it. I need a good kick in the pants, and I think your post did it. No matter what’s going on around me, I should have the joy of Christ in my heart. If I don’t, I need to grab my Bible and find out where it’s gone.

    I didn’t realize you’re still struggling with depression. Some friend I am. I’ll be praying for you, friend.

  4. ladygoat says:

    THANK YOU. Thank you for your honesty and offer. Depression very new to me and very hard to admit – even though it’s just hanging around. I may take you up on talking about it one day. And thank you for reading!

  5. Sarah says:

    Oh man, I have thought a LOT about the difference between joy and happiness — it’s something I’d love to write more about one day. And between joy and my particular circumstances… It’s something I continue to wrestle with. God has delivered us from some rough circumstances over the past couple of years, and I’m so grateful, yet there are several big things I struggle with daily — I keep needing to remind myself that there’s not going to be a moment/season of my life where it’s all going to be “fixed” and ideal and THEN I can be really happy. Instead I’m called to pursue joy and contentment daily because of what I already possess in Christ. I’m failing at this a lot lately, but as you’ve reminded me so well, the fight is worth it.

    Depression just stinks. It’s been a frequent companion throughout my adulthood, so I get it. I know it’s such a different phenomenon for every person, but if you ever feel like talking about it would be helpful, you know I’m here.

    Thanks for this encouraging and Christ-centered post!

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