Take a Journey with Me…

Should I capitalize the “W” in the title? I’m so torn…

I have no idea where this post is going. It may go nowhere, but then it may lead to amazing destinations so I’m writing it anyway because I’ve been thinking about it far too long. If nothing else, it’ll set the stage for some deeper posts. Maybe. Possibly. I commit to nothing.

Writing, talking, being vulnerable… it’s tough, we know that. Trying to find an authentic place for yourself, your thoughts, your struggles, is hard enough and then throw in your quirks and fears and it’s a spinning whirlwind. But, here I am anyway.

Almost every word I write has SO MUCH obnoxious thought behind it. I overanalyze like it’s my job, and I flail about because I could just write stuff. But I don’t just write stuff.  I write stuff for my own creative and therapeutic release but I also write stuff in hopes of getting to know you, the world, better. It is a balm to the soul to connect and amuse and comfort and be amused and comforted.

But you know what that means?

It means I care what others think. I care? Uh, yeah, I care. Some times more than others but I care which is scary because I don’t even know how much I care about what I think.

So… do I wanna say what I wanna say? Can I handle responses, good or bad? Can I handle no response? Could I choose when to care and when not? Have I bored you already? Do I care if you’re bored? Do you care if you’re bored?

I don’t know.

But there’s a longing, a lonliness, a struggle and I feel that sharing it in a way that works for me (which often goes against what society suggests) would help but I gotta be careful. And not just help me. I know there are loads of people out there struggling and, like me, they can’t/won’t pick up the phone and tell someone because their introverted/awkward self and circumstances rebel. I wanna connect with you fellow weirdos. Here. I feel like God is stirring up my soul to find you. We have a place. God has a place for us in this world, just for who we are. I’m so confident of this! I just think we don’t recognize it because it’s very far off the beaten path. Oh, I havent found it yet, but we can find it. God made us – the quiet, shy, wondering, thoughtful, scared, reserved, observing, longing, hoping, lonely, loved. And He made us to be in community. Shhh… shhh… you know that word scares me too, but it’s gonna look different to us and it’s gonna be okay. Deep breaths.

I know this is a bit cryptic but it’s a beginning. And I know it’s very possible that someone out there has read this and a little eyebrow shot up and the heart quickened just a little because maybe, just maybe, I’m making some sort of vague sense. And if I’m not, move along, no worries.

More to come.

Disclaimer: I reserve the right to decide this was the dumbest post ever and delete it and pretend like it never happened. But in my search for authenticity and connection, I doubt that will happen.


~ Fayelle

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About ladygoat

Fayelle Ewuakye is a follower of Christ, a wife, mom to 2 girls (7 and 3), a severe autumn/Christmas maniac, a lover of all things sparkly, Georgia resident, and a silliness guru. All she has right now is her phone. Be kind. Find her on Twitter too @Ladygoat or Instagram @Fayelle123! You can also find her monthly at the Prayers For Girls blog! (http://prayersforgirls.com/blog/)
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10 Responses to Take a Journey with Me…

  1. ladygoat says:

    Thank you, friend!

  2. Carol says:

    This is one of the many reasons I love you, Fayelle. You’re such an honest, genuine person.

  3. ladygoat says:

    I am nodding my head a lot, Sarah. I understand so much! Especially “demands a lot from people under the best circumstances.” Oh man, yes. I kjow my petsonality SO DOES.

    Social Media is different for me in that it’s one thing helping to keep me from going insane with lonliness. I rarely get to see my husband (him working nights is so helpful in so many ways except this one) so the only immediate family is my kids and you know, they’re fabulous but not friend material.

    Thank you so much for sharing!! I will write more. How often and what is still up in the air. 🙂

  4. Sarah says:

    I identify with this post a lot 🙂
    I have that longing for community for sure. It’s grown deeper in recent years. But sometimes it feels like this longing has emerged at a time in life (30s) when many adults lack the energy or leisure to invest in relationships outside of immediate family. I get that. And I worry that my shyness/awkwardness/need for one-on-one connection demands a lot from people under the best circumstances.

    It sounds counterintuitive, but that same longing is part of what’s made public blogging and Facebook harder for me to handle lately. It’s kind of like going to a social gathering — even if I enjoy most of the people there, I have a hard time being present unless I know that a meaningful, non-superficial connection can happen between me and others. Otherwise, the effort (and sometimes pain) of opening myself up doesn’t feel worth it.

    Write more! 🙂 (Or not. Totally up to you. But know that your sharing is appreciated.)

  5. ladygoat says:

    🙂

  6. Nicole says:

    lots made sense in this 🙂

  7. ladygoat says:

    😀 More will be shared… over time… in little bits.

  8. ladygoat says:

    I can understand that!

    I’m learning I’m more fearful of close people’s reactions than strangers. It’s pretty easy for me not to care about strangers’ opinions… much harder for those I know. Plus most of my close friends I don’t think really understand some of my struggles bc most of them are very different than me… I’m kinda hoping to find a few like minded so I can understand my quirks better.

  9. Dania says:

    Ohhh! You’ve got my interest peaked!

  10. Jessica says:

    There’s a whole lot I think about sharing in my public blog, but mostly fear wins out. I am more open in my secure journal, of course, but publicly it’s too stressful when I over-analyze and imagine who might come across it. Or obsess over my writing and how articulate I’m being. I don’t know, it’s a big pain. But I am open with closer people, at least… I just don’t think public vulnerability is for me most of the time.

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